The Crappy Poet

I'm a twenty-something edging past newlywed and new dog owner. I run, write, I work. What else is there besides the struggle to overcome all of that and make something of myself...


Hello, My Name is 32B

There was a time when I considered introducing myself that way. Not in business settings, or to professors or anything, just at parties. I was in college, and it seemed suddenly my very common name was very hard to remember. Especially when those around me had giant memory-zapping bags in prime memory-erasing position; inside their tops.

I started off with much promise: once, at a slumber party in 5th grade we all compared budding cleavage and I was the biggest. I was a b-cup. I was out there, baby! But they stayed that way. At some point, b's just don't cut it anymore. Maybe for the big-busted girls it was completely different. But to me it seemed like it was the cup size that made the world go round.

Later I learned that my demure girls were actually protecting me from gropings, misplaced intentions, and my knack for taking people at their word. I was no match for the dating world, and my mammaries knew it. So I ditched the underwire in favor lighter, more comfortable support. I am much happier now. I don't know if it is age and wisdom, or simply a realization that hits you one day and makes you realize that you don't need big boobs. Nor would I even want them, as I discovered after finding the perfect push-up water-bra that does make me look bustier but also fatter. I think every D-cup on the planet would lust for the pleasure I get from coming home and getting to take those suckers off and leave them in the floor until the next time I need them to prop up a plunging neckline. It's priceless.

So with age comes confidence, I suppose, and the lack of a boyish desire for a big rack. To all the skinny pre-teens out there that sit at home wishing they looked more like a woman instead of their younger brother, relax. One day you will learn to love what you've got, and someone else will love them, too.


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