The Crappy Poet

I'm a twenty-something edging past newlywed and new dog owner. I run, write, I work. What else is there besides the struggle to overcome all of that and make something of myself...


Rodeo Gone Wrong

So yesterday, we are down at the Tucson Rodeo Parade handing out items in connection with the TV station where I work. We handed out everything we had, and then waited for the Parade to begin. This is not just any parade, mind you. This is the World's Longest Non-Motorized Parade. In the word's of a coworker's son, "Does that make it a Guiness Book World Record?" Maybe not yet. But we might qualify for World's Longest Parade Drawn by Psychotic Horses. Why? Keep Reading.

We stand around and watch the first few floats go by, and by floats I mean people in horse drawn carriages and wagons. Not especially decorated, either. Followed by more Guys on Horses. Also, not even dressed alike. BORING. Since the Child was not amused, we decided to leave. We weren't watching it for our own entertainment.

But when I got back to the office, everyone was crowded around the TV in my boss's office, right next to mine. "You missed it!" They say. "Our float just crashed into the Mayor's" What? They explained what happened, but it wasn't until I saw our footage from inside the runaway float that I fully understood.

The KOLD float was actually a wagon. A wagon with five anchors in it, and two of them had children riding in it. Adults and children waving happily to the crowd until something spooked the horses. All of a sudden, the horses take off. And I mean they take off like they thought ET was going to guide the wagon up into the sky. The wagon is now barreling down the street, passing the other floats. They began 14th in the parade, and now the are closing in on number seven. The parade marshals notice. They catch up to the runaway wagon and grab on from their horses, trying to slow it. It breaks away. A city councilwoman (?) steers her horse toward the oncoming horses to try to scare them into slowing down. Nothing. They take a corner and everyone in the wagon is holding on, hoping it won't flip. The sports anchor has his baby daughter like a football, trying to cover her for when they inevitably crash. Another anchor is sheltering the other kids. They are baring down on the first wagon in the parade, a handsome cab. Once they pass it, they are in empty street, and maybe the horses will feel out of harm's way. But as they close in on the cab, they are headed right for it. They ram it, and the horses buck. People are yelling. The mayor is almost hit in the head by a horse hoof, and his wife is nearly impaled when the pole connecting the horses to the runaway wagon punched through their wagon right between them. As it was, the mayors wife suffered whiplash and was taken away in an ambulance. As soon as the runaway wagon came to a stop, paradegoers rushed it and quickly got the children and anchors off the wagon, in case it should take off again.

One of the anchors who was on the float said she didn't even wear makeup for the newscast that day. "I was shaking so hard, I would have poked out my eye with the mascara wand! I only wore lipstick." At 3pm that afternoon, she was still shaking from the ordeal.

And of course, when the wagon took off? One of the anchors immediately whipped out his camcorder and got the whole thing on tape. Good newsanchor. Good boy.


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